The key to recovery from depression could be for me to find a little job. I think I need to have more purpose in my day. Something with zero stress levels, and about 10 hours a week, to start. I'm not going to look just yet, I need to be well enough to do it every day, not just on the odd day that I'm feeling well.
On a more negative slant, I've resigned from the choir. Half the time no-one talked to me at rehearsal, the concerts stressed me out big time and they were talking about us going away for a break in the Spring. I can't do that. I've written a letter, but have yet to post it. I've made up my mind though. Such a huge amount of stress to find a concert venue, park, sit and wait to go on stage when no-one is really talking to me, and every concert is usually to OAPs.
Christmas was good. No extra pressure from my family to stay overnight. I was back home before 10pm and safe in my own bed. It's not for me any more. They are living in a different world to me. If they knew my clothes were either gifts or bought from a charity shop, I don't think they would understand it at all. Their Christmas day is very quiet and rather formal. I always used to spend Christmas with them, but now that I've experienced Christmas with ch's kids and grandkids, I love it more. It's chaos and muddled but very relaxed. We don't have much money at all, and our car is falling apart, but my lovely ch gave the person in the toll booth at the bridge £10. It was a lady in our toll booth and she was amazed. It's a shit job at any time of the year, cold and miserable, often getting verbal abuse from motorists. To be doing it on Christmas day is even worse. It may show that we've not much money, but our hearts are in the right place.
I don't do new year's resolutions, for me it's just an invitation to fail. This year I am going to try to have more purpose in my day, and be more healthy. I think that's enough.
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