Well, yes, I would. Okay, well I fell over today. In public. Beside a main road. Humiliating or what. Thankfully I wasn't on my own, and tch was able to haul me up again to a more vertical position. I had been so intent on commenting about a lovely old building across the road that I wasn't looking where I was putting my feet... and crash. Or thump morelike. A car even stopped to offer assistance. Warning, beached whale lying on the pavement. I am not sporting the beginnings of two fabulous bruises on my knees. Ouchy.
Christmas came and went. The main day was lovely, just the two of us. Life was manic the next day with all of tch's children and grandchildren coming. We were 21 that day. I had a really really bad stress reaction shortly afterwards. On Boxing Day 26th I was reasonably okay. I could feel my anxiety levels rising and couldn't think straight to accomplish anything. I was trying to make a few cups of tea and was dropping everything, very shaky. I took myself off upstairs to the quiet and stood with my head out the bedroom window for a few minutes. I find that calms me. There's something about the cold air that helps me. I thought I'd be fine after that, and it seemed that I was. The 26th was Tuesday. On Weds I slept a lot, almost the whole day. Again, not unusual for me as any activity involving people will wear me out with the whole adrenaline thing. During the night I awoke feeling very nauseous and had to rush to the bathroom. I don't know about you but I will do almost anything to avoid being sick. I hate it. That night I must have had 7 or 8 bouts of vomiting. I've never brushed my teeth so many times in one night. I felt truly awful all day Thurs and that night as well. It was Sunday before I could really say I was feeling better. On a positive note, I lost almost a stone. I've put most of it back on now though, I was probably dehydrated.
I know what caused it. Stress and anxiety. I've had it before, many times, but not as bad as this for many years. It was having the family here, plus I took on doing something that tch always does. I was therefore anxious this task went well and was a success, but I don't think it was.
The way I would describe it is to ask you to remember when you watched a scary/exciting film. Think of the part where your heart is in yo.ur mouth, you're on the edge of your seat. Now that feeling will go away shortly afterwards, but imagine if it stayed with you, and you can't stop it getting more intense. It's exhausting. It's a feeling that is hard to communicate to people, because the natural response is for them to tell you to calm down, not to worry about it. This doesn't work when you can't do that.
The last time I had it this bad was 12 years ago. This was a time when I felt that I'd put myself in a position where I simply should not have been there. There wasn't anything to be done about it and I just had to cope with it. I won't bore you with it, long story. The end result was the same though. 2 days later and I was vomiting so much I couldn't stand.
Gradually I am learning about my stress levels and most times I cope with it. This latest one has really been a doozy though.
