That's the cat again, sorry. When I would put up the ironing board she would always squawk at me, wanting attention. Her bed was nearby. I still expect to hear her.
My post today is not about missing her, it's about the way she lived her life. It's a lesson for us all, I think.
From the first day I had her as a little kitten, Katie was afraid of everything and hissed and spit at anything that came close to her. She had rare moments when she would allow me to stroke her, and then only on the top of her head. Anywhere else and you can look out!
As the only pet in the house, besides a budgie, she had full run of the place and would sleep on the end of the bed, sometimes. As a young cat she would come when I called most of the time. We moved house and she coped with that, grudgingly. Still was fearful of everything and hissed at it all.
My point? I'm getting there, honest.
If you live your life fearful of everything around you, and if you 'hiss and spit' at anything that comes near you, then you will not have a life. Rather, life will pass you by. Your life will never be enriched by laughter and friends. You will never know the joy of companionship or the happiness that comes from doing something for others. If you live your life into old age, still fearful, still 'spitting', then you will have accomplished nothing and experienced only fear.
Big words. I acknowledge that I live more like Katie at the moment. I don't go out of the house very often, I don't answer the phone and I certainly don't socialise unless I have to. But I can see the errors in this, I can see that my life would be so much better if I could move in a different direction.
My lovely Katie didn't have much of a life, she was so frightened by it. Here's a good point - she was unable to tell if another cat/dog was trying to make friends with her, she saw only something to be afraid of, something that wanted to attack her. So she missed out on having a companion to live with, when her life could have been so much better had she been able to befriend the other cat/dog. Make friends, try to be more comfortable around others, they are not going to bite you. Probably.
Depression is a bitch. The medication, the anti-depressants, are the crutch to help you to get back into life. They are not the cure. They will lift your mood sufficiently to enable you to begin the business of getting back to your life. But do it one step at a time, baby steps, little steps.
Little steps was probably the best piece of advice ever given to me by a healthcare professional. I was becoming very anxious that I was expected to jump straight back into life and I knew that I couldn't cope. Little steps are manageable little chunks, whatever works for you really.
I'm really tired now, so I'll talk about this some more another time x
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