Just do it.

I really, really, really didn't want to go out this morning. I'd left it too late to cancel, and my mental health worker would have been already on her way to pick me up. So I went. Seems nothing is as bad when you just go and do it. Sweeping statement, I know sometimes  it's worse when you go and do it, but for the most part it ain't so bad. Conversation with others forces me to engage my brain and that's got to be a good thing. I didn't want to, and I didn't want to talk, but eventually some of the fog cleared a bit and I could think a bit clearer.

So often my depression feels like a fog. It surrounds me, makes things blur at the edges and I can't seem to hear properly or interact with my surroundings. It's hard to move through this fog, it holds me back and it makes moving around so very much harder. Particularly walking upstairs. That seems to require an enormous amount of effort.

I managed to not rely on caffeine to kick start me this morning. I did have one instant coffee when I got to the women's group, but that's all. I know caffeine's not good for me, but I need it to get me moving.

The builder came this evening to talk us through the work he's going to be doing. Previously I would have left this to ch but this time I went downstairs and took part in the conversation. Big plus. If I had a chart, I'd give me a gold star.

It's been lovely having ch home this week. Trying not to think about next week, it'll seem so empty.

Trying to find a positive in every scenario. I didn't want to go out this morning, but I thought well, I could wear my new top. It's only a top from a charity shop, for 99p, but I like it, and so that was my positive. It all helps to get me moving in the right direction.