I've tried all sorts today. I've showered, had something to eat, had a coffee (for the caffeine) and tried listening to music. Nothing works for me today, still I'm crying. I can't have any company because they would ask too many questions and they would look at me funny. You know the look. And they would hug me. I do not like to be hugged. Not. At. All. I do it because it's expected of me, but it's very rare that I want it.

The only person I need to be near to me is the cute husband. His hugs are lovely. He's out at work at the mo, earning a crust and all that. More guilt hits me: I should be well enough to work and bring in some money, then he could work less. Yes, I know all about how I'm not supposed to think that way - but just how?? Automatic negative thoughts and all that. I have trouble stopping them, the buggers get in through all the cracks. I have a lot of cracks (wry face).

The sun is out, the sky is blue. It's cold but sunny. So why is it not sunny in my head, pretty please? There are people out there, walking about. I can see them. So why me and not them? Do it to Julia (Orwell).