I'm feeling really low today. No real reason, in fact I should be happy really because I've had a few successes lately. I sang with the choir in a concert last weekend, which went really well. And I went out yesterday. Only a walk up to the post office, but I did it even though I didn't want to. I had to get a parcel in the post, and as usual I'd left it until the last minute. Why change the habit of a lifetime, eh?
Today my mood has dropped big time. I'm here writing this though, so that means I'm up and at least doing something.
I lost an earring on the weekend, only a pewter one, but huge sentimental attachment, and I'm gutted. I doubt it'll turn up now.
Why am I dwelling on the negative things so much? I know I'm doing it. There are so many positive things around me at the moment and here's me only thinking about the negative ones. The coping strategy of finding the positive in a situation only works when I'm feeling reasonable ok and just need a little extra oomph to go out and so something. Today the only positive is that I'm out of bed, and that's only just. I've not washed and I'm eating only crap, even though I know that eating well affects my mood. I've still got the bunny though. It won't get my whilst I've still got the bunny.
I am daunted by Christmas looming ahead. I've not bought many gifts at all and we're going away this year to my family. I do not not not want to go away from home. This is where I feel safe. This is where my dog and cats are. This is where I can shut out the world. Away is none of those things. The stress of it makes me want to bury myself under the duvet.
Decision. I'm going to go and eat something that isn't full of sugar and make a coffee. Decent food and caffeine. Will I do it? Shit, I've no idea.
If I can do that, I will buy one present online. Just one, no pressure. That'll be one less to worry about. First food.
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